Sinking Beyond the Pit of my Soul
Every once in a while my depression really hits me hard. Tonight, was one of those times. I was having a conversation with someone about another person and how they cause harm to themselves, they cut themselves. I don't like to admit this to anyone and I try really hard to keep it covered up, but I scratch and cut myself. I should clarify, I only do this to myself when I am traveling on water (in a boat/ferry) or when I am extremely frightened (usually near water). None the less it is something that I am facing. I tried to write a post about this but I just couldn't work up the courage to finish it and post it.
During my conversation tonight I realised how much people judge "cutters". This other person was diassociating from the other. I can only think what they would think of me if they knew the truth about me. I hate being judged! So if anyone reading this post is thinking, "Oh, I can't believe she does that to herself," or "how can she do that?" or "she must be really crazy" or "she's scary" etc. please keep your negative comments to yourself, I already assume that you think that way.
I guess I should mention that I do have support while I work on my fears and stuff. Tonight, I feel like I have sunk beyond the pit of my soul.
During my conversation tonight I realised how much people judge "cutters". This other person was diassociating from the other. I can only think what they would think of me if they knew the truth about me. I hate being judged! So if anyone reading this post is thinking, "Oh, I can't believe she does that to herself," or "how can she do that?" or "she must be really crazy" or "she's scary" etc. please keep your negative comments to yourself, I already assume that you think that way.
I guess I should mention that I do have support while I work on my fears and stuff. Tonight, I feel like I have sunk beyond the pit of my soul.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 12:40 AM
2 Comments:
I hope that the "support" you say you have is a good counselor or doctor. I'm not judging you... just seriously concerned about you without even knowing you. Glad you're blogging about this. It's a good start. Take care.
Thanks for reading my blog:) I do have a good counsellor that I have been building a trustworthy relationship with over the past year. And about 5 key people who know most of what's going on with me and are always willing to listen, have coffee and conversation, and give hugs when I need them.
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