Sinking in Sorrow

I was sinking in sorrow, I cried for 20 minutes this morning before I even got out of bed. I mentioned before that I'm depressed. It's mostly because of my grief for the death of my mother. She died over 20 years ago when I was a child. And it still affects me every day.

I really missed mom today. I couldn't help but cry, even as I got dressed to go to work, as I brushed my teeth, and I told myself 'just pull it together so you can go to work'. I still cried. I guess I stopped as I was getting out my car at work. I don't want people there to know how rough some days are for me. There have been a few really bad days where I have not been even able to go to work and the most I can handle is talking to one of my support people on the phone.

I miss her so much and I still really want her to come back. I know that realistically she won't come back and that I should move on from this, but I can't. It's too difficult.

This blog is really a journal of what I am experiencing in my life. Some of these things I haven't been able to tell most of my friends, except for 2, plus a couple of key support people, on being a counselor. The anonymity of posting might help me over come the pain that I feel when I write and say these things.