He's been my Keeper for too Long

He can't stand the fact that I'm going to leave the house. If he had his way I would never leave, I would depend on him forever and I wouldn't be able to live anywhere but with him. He got mad at me again today when I mentioned going through my things and donating some of them. And once again he made me feel stupid for talking about leaving. All he ever does is disagree with me, doesn't listen, gets angry about everything inlcuding things that I have nothing to do with and he rubs in my face some of the activities that he's included in that I'm not part of any more by my choice. He has controlled my life for long enough. I've never actually been his wife but that's the role that I've filled in his life after she died...his housemate, companion, person he talks to, dependent on health insurance, etc. He's been my keeper for too long.

And yet...

I can't imagine my life without him being really involved with it. It freaks me out to think of living on my own, making decisions that he'll have no influence on, and that I won't have to "report in" with him anymore. What's going to happen to him if I'm not living with him? If anything bad happens to him it seems like it would be my fault because I'm not there. I've been told that's not true, I'm not sure if I believe that. I feel guilty about wanting to move out and at times I'm upset that I am other times I'm upset because of his reaction to it.

No wonder I'm freaked out about ever having a relationship with a guy when this is what I've faced my whole life with my Dad.