My Body Doesn't Like Me
My body doesn't like me. I've gained a few pounds over the last week and it's obvious because my body doesn't actually like me that it would put on weight. I know that I've been eating way too much for me lately and it's just getting revenge on me. I've had stressful days thinking about everything with Dad and his reaction to my buying a place. I know that it lead to some overconsumption of food...not to mention the drinks from tonight when I was out at the pub. Mind you right now I feel completely guilty about all the junk I drank and ate tonight, probably at least 2000 calories and that was just when I was out, that doesn't include what I ate earlier today. So in reality I was over what the recomended number of calories is. That really was a stupid thing that I did. I guess Dad does know what he's talking about when he calls me stupid.
I felt so dumb tonight while I was out and we were all talking about shopping for clothes and sizes and stuff. It was just a bunch of girls and as they pointed out to me several times I'm tiny compared to them. Once they told me what sizes they were wearing and I thought about what size I was wearing I understood that I was smaller than them. But one of them I totally thought was thiner than me. As it turns out she's 3 dress sizes bigger than me. And the other day I thought one of the women I was around was about my size and then she started to talk about losing weight. I told her she didn't need to and I was being sincere. Then she told me what she weighs and I realized that she weighs more than 30 pounds more than me.
I don't fuckin' get it. Why can't I tell differences with out having quantitative proof? That makes me fell really stupid. If I can't tell the difference in size of people in comparison to me by looking at them, how will I be able to know if a condo looks good or not? And if I don't always know who I can trust and who I can depend on then how will I ever have solid relationships in which I know that they will always be there for me no matter what. My own parents haven't even proved to be trusted like that.
I felt so dumb tonight while I was out and we were all talking about shopping for clothes and sizes and stuff. It was just a bunch of girls and as they pointed out to me several times I'm tiny compared to them. Once they told me what sizes they were wearing and I thought about what size I was wearing I understood that I was smaller than them. But one of them I totally thought was thiner than me. As it turns out she's 3 dress sizes bigger than me. And the other day I thought one of the women I was around was about my size and then she started to talk about losing weight. I told her she didn't need to and I was being sincere. Then she told me what she weighs and I realized that she weighs more than 30 pounds more than me.
I don't fuckin' get it. Why can't I tell differences with out having quantitative proof? That makes me fell really stupid. If I can't tell the difference in size of people in comparison to me by looking at them, how will I be able to know if a condo looks good or not? And if I don't always know who I can trust and who I can depend on then how will I ever have solid relationships in which I know that they will always be there for me no matter what. My own parents haven't even proved to be trusted like that.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 12:10 AM
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