I don't remember any of her birthdays...
April 30th. Mom would have been 66 today.
I think it's weird that I don't remember any of her actual birthdays when she was alive. I was just to little to remember. I can't even tell you what her favourite kind of birthday cake was. Or if I ever made her a present or if I ever helped pick out a present for her what it was.
When I was in elementary school I can remember my brother would always give my dad "a bottle" on her birthday, and sometimes on their anniversary (I have no clue when that is). A bottle of rum to be exact, the brand with a picture of a man on the label, I couldn't tell you which one it is. I'm not a big rum drinker. But dad used to be. A rum and coke, every dinner time. By the time I was 11 I could make it for him. I knew exactly which line (1.5) in the jigger (shot) to pour the rum to and then put it in the nice glass with 2 cubes of ice and then fill it the rest of the way with diet coke (carefully so that the foam wouldn't go over the glass).
About ten years after she died, my sister was confirmed on her birthday. My dad, brother and I went to the service. It wasn't at our home church, it was at the one she was attending at the time. Two of our family friends that she knew well from that church participated in the confirmation by laying their hands on Ruth during the prayer. None of us were part of that. Whatever.
Other years I had exams on this date. And some years Dad would tell me how old she would have been. Like last year he told me should would have been 65 and we would have had a big party. I remember thinking, what the hell? You still dream of your deceased wife's possible birthday parties? That really hurt me.
I miss her today. Which sucks, because I have a lot of work to do today, which I'm looking forward to but I know that this is going to lurk over me the entire day.
I think it's weird that I don't remember any of her actual birthdays when she was alive. I was just to little to remember. I can't even tell you what her favourite kind of birthday cake was. Or if I ever made her a present or if I ever helped pick out a present for her what it was.
When I was in elementary school I can remember my brother would always give my dad "a bottle" on her birthday, and sometimes on their anniversary (I have no clue when that is). A bottle of rum to be exact, the brand with a picture of a man on the label, I couldn't tell you which one it is. I'm not a big rum drinker. But dad used to be. A rum and coke, every dinner time. By the time I was 11 I could make it for him. I knew exactly which line (1.5) in the jigger (shot) to pour the rum to and then put it in the nice glass with 2 cubes of ice and then fill it the rest of the way with diet coke (carefully so that the foam wouldn't go over the glass).
About ten years after she died, my sister was confirmed on her birthday. My dad, brother and I went to the service. It wasn't at our home church, it was at the one she was attending at the time. Two of our family friends that she knew well from that church participated in the confirmation by laying their hands on Ruth during the prayer. None of us were part of that. Whatever.
Other years I had exams on this date. And some years Dad would tell me how old she would have been. Like last year he told me should would have been 65 and we would have had a big party. I remember thinking, what the hell? You still dream of your deceased wife's possible birthday parties? That really hurt me.
I miss her today. Which sucks, because I have a lot of work to do today, which I'm looking forward to but I know that this is going to lurk over me the entire day.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 12:35 AM
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