Church People can Actually have a Purpose
Yesturday I was reminded that just because a person gets cancer doesn't mean their going to die. This was so important to hear and see after Saturday. At church I got a hug from Becky who survived breast cancer last year, and then Janet's husband hosted the speaker in the afternoon from the center for integrated healing. He had prostate cancer 3 years and is cancer free now. This reminded me that Dad, although he had prostate cancer in 2003, does not have cancer right now. (Although he does have an appointment with a surgeon, which I find absolutely scarey since its a referal from his doctor because of my aunt's diagnosis. Fuck!)
The question that I can't get out of me, even though I have screamed, cried, spoke, and wrote so many times through out my life, is why do some people die from cancer and others don't? It is one of the biggest questions I have in my faith. Why, God, do some people die from this? If God has a plan for all of us, then why are some people faced with so much suffering and illness and others aren't? Ultimately I still don't understand why mom had to die. Why it was in God's plan that mom died. Why it is in my plan that I grow up with out my mom by my side. Or was none of this caused by God's will?
I have been told (and I tell people) that when a loved one dies suddenly or before we think it is their time, God is the first one crying. And yet when a person is dying often people will pray for God's will to be done, for them to go peacefully into God's arms. Does God still cry if God has called them home?
The only comfort I have found in these questions is knowing that I'm not the only one who has them or has had them. I know 9-year-olds and 90-year-olds who have asked these questions as recently as Sunday. And since I have God in the question it reminds me that I do believe in God, which means I am never alone even if it physically seems like no one is around. God is still there. Although I do have days when I'm not sure if God really cares that much or I don't understand why God is putting me through the things that I am face with. I pray that someday I might understand all this a bit better.
I think I'm handling this recent death better than I have others in the past. I guess maybe I have learned some good ways of self care. I didn't bother myself with trying to reach certain people for support because I didn't think they would actually offer it to me. I did talk to a few key people who support me on an ongoing basis. I didn't avoid things that I had planned and the same time I didn't do them just because. I let myself be sad. I let myself tell people at church what kind of day I was having on Sunday, which was hard because they all read in the bulletin that I was returning to my full hours at work next week. But for the most part the ones that I was honest with seemed to understand a little. On the other hand my eating habbits have been absolutley awful the last 3 days, but at least I kind of realise it.
The question that I can't get out of me, even though I have screamed, cried, spoke, and wrote so many times through out my life, is why do some people die from cancer and others don't? It is one of the biggest questions I have in my faith. Why, God, do some people die from this? If God has a plan for all of us, then why are some people faced with so much suffering and illness and others aren't? Ultimately I still don't understand why mom had to die. Why it was in God's plan that mom died. Why it is in my plan that I grow up with out my mom by my side. Or was none of this caused by God's will?
I have been told (and I tell people) that when a loved one dies suddenly or before we think it is their time, God is the first one crying. And yet when a person is dying often people will pray for God's will to be done, for them to go peacefully into God's arms. Does God still cry if God has called them home?
The only comfort I have found in these questions is knowing that I'm not the only one who has them or has had them. I know 9-year-olds and 90-year-olds who have asked these questions as recently as Sunday. And since I have God in the question it reminds me that I do believe in God, which means I am never alone even if it physically seems like no one is around. God is still there. Although I do have days when I'm not sure if God really cares that much or I don't understand why God is putting me through the things that I am face with. I pray that someday I might understand all this a bit better.
I think I'm handling this recent death better than I have others in the past. I guess maybe I have learned some good ways of self care. I didn't bother myself with trying to reach certain people for support because I didn't think they would actually offer it to me. I did talk to a few key people who support me on an ongoing basis. I didn't avoid things that I had planned and the same time I didn't do them just because. I let myself be sad. I let myself tell people at church what kind of day I was having on Sunday, which was hard because they all read in the bulletin that I was returning to my full hours at work next week. But for the most part the ones that I was honest with seemed to understand a little. On the other hand my eating habbits have been absolutley awful the last 3 days, but at least I kind of realise it.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 11:06 PM
3 Comments:
Greets to the webmaster of this wonderful site! Keep up the good work. Thanks.
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Nice! Where you get this guestbook? I want the same script.. Awesome content. thankyou.
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I really enjoyed looking at your site, I found it very helpful indeed, keep up the good work.
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