Am I really that bad?
I don't think I've ever posted a survey on this blog. But this one made me think adn admit things to myself that I haven't always remembered or given any value to event hough they may have affected my life. So here it is...
Tally up the number of "bad things" that you've done.
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 9
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent cd
TOTAL: 6
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been to drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 10
51) snuck into some one else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone else’s toothbrush
TOTAL: 8
61) consider Ludacris your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 7
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 7
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 10
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 5 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 9
GRAND TOTAL: 82%
I really don't think that some of these things are all that bad. But then some of them aren't exactly things that I'm proud of or tell people about often. A few of these things I have tried to forget but when I saw them on the list they came back to me. I have choices in life and at times I don't think I've made the best choice when given a dilema. A fiend reminded me of this tonight. That God has given me free will, to make my own decisions. But there are times when the demon inside of me leads me towards the wrong decision.
Today was a really hard day. I was depressed to the point of crying whenever I was driving in my car. I know that when I do this it's because I'm not being honest with people or so much has happened in a short time that it's built up and I haven't had a chance to deal with it. I got to work this morning to find out that my colleagues partner had died on Friday morning, so he wasn't at work this morning. He leads the musc in the service, so worship seemed to be a bit scattered. I was the most stable person out ofall of the ministers. Joan was crying in the office 5 minutes before the service trying to pull herself together. And then I had to put up with the annoying parent, who brings her boy to Sunday School with his own painting activity to do! What the fuck?! So of course he doesn't want to do what the others are doing, let smake it htat much harder on the teacher! Piss me off. So afterwards I began to realise how upset I was to learn of the recent death. Another funeral to go to, why haven't people read the memo? I was just at a memorial service 6 weeks ago!
Needless to say I've cried lots today. I ate a bowl of ice cream and a salad, and feel like I've eaten too much today, I talked on the phone with a friend for an hour and they helped me overcome the urge to take laxitives. I thank God for her words of wisdom tonight because with all of the stress of the day, I was just wanting to take the easy way, not wanting to hear the voice of God over the demon that lurks within me. I was just consience of it tonight, enough so that I wanted to fight back even though that meant getting the support of a friend.
Most of my days recently have been pretty good, only a couple of minor meltdowns (well before today that is). However I have realised that I'm obsessed with getting ear wax out my ears, ok, actually it's scratching just inside my ear...not good I know. And during my session with my counsellor last week (while I was having a meltdown...good place to have it) I scratched the side of my finger to the point of needing a bandaid when I got to the car. Keep in mind it was no where as a bad a scratch as what I've done to my arms in the past. I hate the scars on my arms.
Today was hard, tomorow better be easier.
Tally up the number of "bad things" that you've done.
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7
11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 9
21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 9
31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent cd
TOTAL: 6
41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been to drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 10
51) snuck into some one else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone else’s toothbrush
TOTAL: 8
61) consider Ludacris your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 7
71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: 7
81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched tv for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: 10
91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 5 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 9
GRAND TOTAL: 82%
I really don't think that some of these things are all that bad. But then some of them aren't exactly things that I'm proud of or tell people about often. A few of these things I have tried to forget but when I saw them on the list they came back to me. I have choices in life and at times I don't think I've made the best choice when given a dilema. A fiend reminded me of this tonight. That God has given me free will, to make my own decisions. But there are times when the demon inside of me leads me towards the wrong decision.
Today was a really hard day. I was depressed to the point of crying whenever I was driving in my car. I know that when I do this it's because I'm not being honest with people or so much has happened in a short time that it's built up and I haven't had a chance to deal with it. I got to work this morning to find out that my colleagues partner had died on Friday morning, so he wasn't at work this morning. He leads the musc in the service, so worship seemed to be a bit scattered. I was the most stable person out ofall of the ministers. Joan was crying in the office 5 minutes before the service trying to pull herself together. And then I had to put up with the annoying parent, who brings her boy to Sunday School with his own painting activity to do! What the fuck?! So of course he doesn't want to do what the others are doing, let smake it htat much harder on the teacher! Piss me off. So afterwards I began to realise how upset I was to learn of the recent death. Another funeral to go to, why haven't people read the memo? I was just at a memorial service 6 weeks ago!
Needless to say I've cried lots today. I ate a bowl of ice cream and a salad, and feel like I've eaten too much today, I talked on the phone with a friend for an hour and they helped me overcome the urge to take laxitives. I thank God for her words of wisdom tonight because with all of the stress of the day, I was just wanting to take the easy way, not wanting to hear the voice of God over the demon that lurks within me. I was just consience of it tonight, enough so that I wanted to fight back even though that meant getting the support of a friend.
Most of my days recently have been pretty good, only a couple of minor meltdowns (well before today that is). However I have realised that I'm obsessed with getting ear wax out my ears, ok, actually it's scratching just inside my ear...not good I know. And during my session with my counsellor last week (while I was having a meltdown...good place to have it) I scratched the side of my finger to the point of needing a bandaid when I got to the car. Keep in mind it was no where as a bad a scratch as what I've done to my arms in the past. I hate the scars on my arms.
Today was hard, tomorow better be easier.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 9:54 PM
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