thanksgiving

Remembering last fall brings up sorrow and regret. Thanksgiving weekend was not easy, Dad went to Calgary for the long weekend and I had dinner at Dione’s. The good part was belinis at Milestones with a couple of friends. It’s not that I expect anything on thanksgiving, growing up it was not an important day with a big dinner every year. There are only a few turkey dinners that I remember.

I guess what’s bugging me is remembering the conversations I had with friends this time last year, plans that we were making and such. And now one of them doesn’t speak to me or have anything to do with me. Even though she said a lot of things to comfort me and make me feel important. I’m not really sure what happened between us. I try not to blame myself and think of myself as being an evil demon that she didn’t want in her life anymore, but I have to admit there have been days where that’s exactly what it has seemed like to me.

When I was lost in the darkness last November I began to think about disappearing from everything and everyone around me. Not suicidal, just depressed. The depression is still real, but I guess I’m handling it better now. Like instead of crying for hours every day, I only cry hard about once or twice a week. And a real bad day only happens a couple of times a month, unless someone is a fuckin’ idiot towards me, and then it just happens.