Odd Girl Out

I watched this movie tonight, it wasn't bad. I thought it would be a pretty easy going teeny-bopper movie about a teenage girl and her friends in highschool. And for the most part it was but I would say that it is more intense than Mean Girls was when it comes to showing the effects of social bullying and girls. Vanessa, the girl being bullied the most, completely melts down after being humiliated repeatively. At one point she cuts her hair off because of the mean comments they say about her hair, and she becomes convinced that she is fat because they call her fat and create websites that show her to be fatter than she is. She takes a few of her moms sleeping pills to fall asleep but when those don't work she takes the whole bottle. While she is being loaded into the ambulance, a boy video tapes the whole thing and puts it on the internet for all of the other girls to see and laugh at the next day at school. WTF?! Who is lame enough to do that? To tape someone in such a state and then make fun of it?

I related to the depression that Vanessa faces in this movie. I can remember times when friends were totally mean to me at school and then would pretend that they were my best friend outside of school. It was so confusing! And I never knew what I had done to cause it. I hated it when they would talk about me behind my back with their other friends and make me seem like a complete loser and bitch. I still find it hard to believe what people say to me, I never know if they're telling me the truth. And when I do believe people what they're telling me isn't always what I should be believing.

I don't have faith in myself to discern what is truth and what's not. And I'm not really sure all the time what is truth from God and what is really fallicy from a demon. It can be so hard for me to know if what I am eating is really what I should be eating, etc. I went for 11 days without laxatives, grant it most of that time I was at camp, but still I did it. And then I ate Subway for lunch today, after which I was sitting in my office working and dug through my purse to find them. I didn't stress about it or think about it before I took them, and it was only afterwards that I started to think that maybe God didn't want me to take them. It didn't work anyways, I'm still fat. But then I have people tell me that I'm tiny and small, I'm so confused. My doctor reminded me last week that I'm waiting for a break-through and that the eating disorder will go away once I get that. I don't know if it will.

I'm looking at more condos tomorow, I'm praying that I find one I want.