Searching for Different Ways
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers~ M. Scott Peck ~
How true is that quote? Finding different ways and truer answers is such a big part of what I've been trying to do. Different ways so that I don't have to be feeling like shit all of the time and pretending that everything is great. So that I don't have to worry so much. So that I don't hurt myself (as much). So that I can live my own life and not base my life around mom or dad.
I looked at condos this weekend. I was terrified to do this but it wasn't so bad. I want to move out of Dad's house even though it is the hardest thing that I've ever done. It was pointed out to me that if I am his primary relationship that's not healthy for either one of us. I stopped by there yesturday for 10 minutes and he watched me like a hawk as I gathered a few things and followed me around the house telling me about irrevelant things. That really make no difference to me. But I guess he doesn't have anyone else to tell about his day. Which I feel sad about because when I move out what's going to happen to him?
When I move out I'm leaving dad, I'm leaving mom and I'm leaving my house. Even though of course I know that she left me long ago in that house so really I haven't been with her for over 21 years.
I'm challenging myself physically. I've started cardio core bootcamp, it's 5 nights a week for 1 hour every night. My goal is that I can go on a 3 day hiking trip by the end of August. This somethign that I've never done before and it's going to take a lot of work to be able to do this. Not to mention that I have to eat enough so that I can make it through the bootcamp. I felt like I ate so much yesturday, even though really it was about 1500 calories including the food I ate after bootcamp. And I know that that's not really enough but it's way closer than I usually I am. By the time I went to bed I just felt so fat because I had eaten so much.
How true is that quote? Finding different ways and truer answers is such a big part of what I've been trying to do. Different ways so that I don't have to be feeling like shit all of the time and pretending that everything is great. So that I don't have to worry so much. So that I don't hurt myself (as much). So that I can live my own life and not base my life around mom or dad.
I looked at condos this weekend. I was terrified to do this but it wasn't so bad. I want to move out of Dad's house even though it is the hardest thing that I've ever done. It was pointed out to me that if I am his primary relationship that's not healthy for either one of us. I stopped by there yesturday for 10 minutes and he watched me like a hawk as I gathered a few things and followed me around the house telling me about irrevelant things. That really make no difference to me. But I guess he doesn't have anyone else to tell about his day. Which I feel sad about because when I move out what's going to happen to him?
When I move out I'm leaving dad, I'm leaving mom and I'm leaving my house. Even though of course I know that she left me long ago in that house so really I haven't been with her for over 21 years.
I'm challenging myself physically. I've started cardio core bootcamp, it's 5 nights a week for 1 hour every night. My goal is that I can go on a 3 day hiking trip by the end of August. This somethign that I've never done before and it's going to take a lot of work to be able to do this. Not to mention that I have to eat enough so that I can make it through the bootcamp. I felt like I ate so much yesturday, even though really it was about 1500 calories including the food I ate after bootcamp. And I know that that's not really enough but it's way closer than I usually I am. By the time I went to bed I just felt so fat because I had eaten so much.
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 7:12 AM
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