Overwhelmed & Worried

I'm not sure how I'm going to get everything done in the next few days. Today and tomorow have the potential of being 12 hour work days, which although its not a rare thing, it is totally energy draining. And when I think about everything that I must get done, I get worried. I'm worried that I won't accomplish everything. Worried that I will do a sucky job. Worried that I will fail. I feel like I'm in really difficult positions where I have to make huge decisions that are affecting the lives of many people. And that's a lot of pressure for me. What if I make a fuckin' mistake? What if I give the wrong advice and just screw up completely? I just feel overwhelmed.

I don't understand Dad. He told me that he wants to spend Christmas with my brother and sister-in-law this year, well and that he wants to see Grandma on Christmas day. Practically every year my sister lived in Calgary he decided very early on that he would go there for the holidays. WTF? He hasn't told her this yet. I already told her that I'll come over there on Christmas day, I would much rather see her than my brother. And it's not like Dad would rather have all of us go to his place for Christmas, if he did why wouldn't he just say so! I have no idea if my sister would want to do that especially since my brother-in-law's parents have already invited them but without Dad suggesting it, it won't happen. I just don't get it.

I'm feel bad for Tammy (friend, not sister-in-law), she's having a rough time with her husband. She gave me shit for calling him stupid and now she suspects that he's cheating on her. So she called me to vent, she's totally hurt understandabley but she doesn't know for sure that he has cheated, he's just been texting with a womyn that she doesn't know and had a pretty loose story as to why. She feels like it makes her look bad because she didn't know this was going on and that it's her fault. I told her it's not her fault and I'm trying really hard to give him the benefit of the doubt, that he has just done something stupid and nothing more, that he and this womyn are just coworkers like he said. But at the same time, who really knows? Shelly is convinced that he cheated on her. The thing is Tammy and Curt have had their problems in the past but got back together because of the kids (mostly because he impregnated her while they "were on a break"...news flash, don't have sex if you're on a break!). They've been in marriage counselling at various times over the years. All I can really do is pray for them.

All that bullshit and I also have work to deal with. My body feels like crap and is fat today. I'm scared of the lunch that they'll make me eat at the meeting tomorow. There is always so much food at those things and I feel like because I'm there for work I need to eat like everyone else. I don't want to get even more fatter than I already am. I'm scared about being in Mexico in 8 days where I have to wear a bathing suite often.