Current Fears (even if they seem stupid to you, they are very real to me)

here are some current fears I have about going to Mexico in 2 days

• Dad will get sick or die
• Grandma will die
• The ocean will swallow me up and I will die
• My friends that I'm travelling with will judge me (the way I look, what I eat, if I don't want to do some of the activities, etc)
• I'll get fatter than I already am from eating too much
• I'll get sick or die
• One of my friends or family will die (even though they should have read that memo!)
• My cat will die (Nancy better not let this happen! Even though I wouldn't blame her if it did, unless she murdered Duke but I don't think she has it in her to kill anything let alone my cat. I realise how stupid this fear is, but none the less it's a fear that I have. And since it's in my mind, it most likely won't make sense to anyone else.)
• There will be problems at work and I won't be there to fix them
• People from work will be mad that I'm away (not "I'm mad because I'm not in Mexico with her", but "I'm mad because she shouldn't have taken vacation at this time of the year")
• The friends I'm travelling with will fight with me

I know that there are more fears swimming around in my mind but those are the ones that are at the top of the list at the moment. I leave for Seattle in 40.5 hours and in 54 hours I fly out of Seattle to Cancun, Mexico. I haven't started to do laundry or pack and I know that I'll be working at least 12 hours and I have so much running around to do, I have no idea how I will ever get it all done. Not to mention I have to write a mid-term report for my funder which I don't think we have met all of the criteria for. Shit. Especially the external evaluation which I just remembered and we haven't even established with the partnering agency. Fuck. Oh well not going to happen now. I'm such a screw-up. It doesn't help that my staff is an idiot either.