No Way to Escape Transformation

I came across this note that I worte myself on March 2, 2003 (I have a habbit of putting the date on things). I think it's interesting that some of this stuff re-surfaces under different circumstances and other stuff was obviously a big issue that I needed to face 3 years ago, that I wasn't wanting to deal with then. This entry took place 6 weeks before my final exams of my last semester of university and about 3 months before I attended convocation.

I need to work on being on the way. I've been told so many times to just give it over to God, ask Jesus to take it for me, and that it's as simple as saying a prayer. So where doest htat leave me now...

Near the end Jesus wasn't happy either. I think I'm close to the end. I would rahter end thatn transform or trasition. The world will go on, I wouldn't be forgotten, some may learn from me and be able to help of others. To take the easier way, it is the way less travelled. I think that god will make it happen for me.

I am going to be more intentional about praying this month. Things would be much better there than htey are here. I only want to be with Christ and mom... only one way to do that, God willing.

I can only pray that it will in a timely fashion. I'm tired I want the end to come fast.

My whoIe life I've had bad days and very low points. I can tell that this was a low point that year. I think aroudn this time I had freaked out while driving somewhere with a few friends and yelled out "Fuck! I'm graduating! What the fuck am I going to do?" I guess there is no real way to escape transformation. I may be able to resist it, kicking and screaming, and it may hurt causing me to feel like shit; but it seems like it never goes away.