Is a part of me sinking the rest of me?
I've been thinking a lot about a dream that I had a week ago (while I was on retreat), and I think that it is showing me that there are inner parts of me in conflict with each other, causing one to sink. The dream involved a person trying to convince me to kill 2 other people (all of whom I know a little) and I considered it in the dream and was quite worried what would happen if I didn't follow through and do what I was asked to do. Before the dream ended, I had decided not to kill the people and saw them leave for a vacation. I woke up from the dream before the other person could tell me what they thought of this decision.
The person who wanted me to kill, is a real person, in real life. In my opinion he is someone who I think is controlling, has an ego (but tries not to acknowledge it), lives in his own little world and many people think of him as a celebrity. I don't know him well by any means but I have an impression that as wise as he is, he doesn't always share his wisdom with confidence and seems scared of how people may react. For this to be in my dream, I realize that it's more about me then it is anyone else. A part of me is controlling, is being egotistical, is in a separate world, is seemingly wise, somewhat annoying and yet the rest me looks up this.
And then there are the two people who I was supposed to kill in the dream. These two are a couple that I know. They are older, opinionated, caring, hard working, aggressive, controlling, and want things done their way even if another way may be preferred or is better. Often these people have pissed me off but they always apologize and let it be water under the bridge. This couple has never met the person in my dream in real life. I wonder if this is part of me that seems to be "older" or is in some way weaker physically, even though it is still caring, opinionated and hard working. So this part within me that is somehow threatened by the other. I don't understand this. In fact I find it totally confusing.
The other key character in the dream is me. I felt caught in between the couple and the other person. Not knowing what to do because I didn't want to disappoint either of them. I was guilt ridden. The couple seemed glad to be leaving on their vacation, I don't know if they suspected that they would be the victims of murder or if they had no idea what was supposed to happen and what could have happened. I felt sad to see them leave, and I was worried about informing the other person that I didn't do it.
How can I possible line these up? Am I supposed to? Or is one of these characters actually a "demon"? I guess this might somehow tie into my grief, eating disorder, self-esteem/not having self-value, but that's really hard to figure out. If there are so many different parts to me, how do I really know who I am? How am I supposed to tell which part is meant to get out of the water and which ones are to be left behind? Or are all of my parts meant to come out of the water, out of trouble, onto safe and solid land?
The person who wanted me to kill, is a real person, in real life. In my opinion he is someone who I think is controlling, has an ego (but tries not to acknowledge it), lives in his own little world and many people think of him as a celebrity. I don't know him well by any means but I have an impression that as wise as he is, he doesn't always share his wisdom with confidence and seems scared of how people may react. For this to be in my dream, I realize that it's more about me then it is anyone else. A part of me is controlling, is being egotistical, is in a separate world, is seemingly wise, somewhat annoying and yet the rest me looks up this.
And then there are the two people who I was supposed to kill in the dream. These two are a couple that I know. They are older, opinionated, caring, hard working, aggressive, controlling, and want things done their way even if another way may be preferred or is better. Often these people have pissed me off but they always apologize and let it be water under the bridge. This couple has never met the person in my dream in real life. I wonder if this is part of me that seems to be "older" or is in some way weaker physically, even though it is still caring, opinionated and hard working. So this part within me that is somehow threatened by the other. I don't understand this. In fact I find it totally confusing.
The other key character in the dream is me. I felt caught in between the couple and the other person. Not knowing what to do because I didn't want to disappoint either of them. I was guilt ridden. The couple seemed glad to be leaving on their vacation, I don't know if they suspected that they would be the victims of murder or if they had no idea what was supposed to happen and what could have happened. I felt sad to see them leave, and I was worried about informing the other person that I didn't do it.
How can I possible line these up? Am I supposed to? Or is one of these characters actually a "demon"? I guess this might somehow tie into my grief, eating disorder, self-esteem/not having self-value, but that's really hard to figure out. If there are so many different parts to me, how do I really know who I am? How am I supposed to tell which part is meant to get out of the water and which ones are to be left behind? Or are all of my parts meant to come out of the water, out of trouble, onto safe and solid land?
posted by Womyn in Troubled Waters at 11:14 PM
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